A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
