My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
