We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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