im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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