It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
