Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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