I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
