Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
