My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
