You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize