i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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