How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
