I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
