Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
