Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
