guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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