White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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