i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
