You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All the doctor said was why
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
