my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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