my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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