in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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