i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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