I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
