farters have to be the big spoon...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
