i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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