i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
