the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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