just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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