Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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