Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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