five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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