it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
