Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize