Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
