Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
