The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's the barista slut.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
