yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
