im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
