M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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