she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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