did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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