I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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