You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
