I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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