he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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