He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
