My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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