we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
