too bad you live with your parents still
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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