i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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