The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
