no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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