She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
