I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
