when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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