please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
