2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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