Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
pray to the hookup gods
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
