People in love make me want to vomit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
