I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
