Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious