remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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