Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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