ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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